Empower Vietnamese Women
Avo Vietnam started with one simple idea: Empower Vietnamese Women. Looking around Vietnam, we saw so much pain in suffering in relationships (“like a bird in a cage”). Vietnamese women work hard to take care of their homes and keep their husbands happy: đàn ông xây nhà đàn bà xây tổ ấm.
History
For 100s of years, men spend their youths learning trades to support themselves and their future families. Women stayed in homes to learn homemaking skills like cooking, cleaning, and childcare. Women were (and are) the backbone of Vietnamese culture. The traditions are passed down in the home from grandmother to granddaughter. Vietnamese women and girls learn how to cook traditional family recipes , dye clothes, and sew beautiful Ao Dai.
Today
Even today, if you ever visit the small towns of Vietnam and dine with their families, you can see asymmetric relationships. During the day, the women shop for food, cook, and clean. They feed, dress, and send the children off to school. During lunch, the men and children return home to a hot meal and then return to work and school.
During meals, the husband relaxes at the table with his male friends, drinking Tiger beer and rice wine. The women and children prepare and serve dinner. After the men are served food, the women and children eat separately from the men. Then the women clean the dishes and serve more drinks (often alcohol) to the men.
When Vietnamese women in rural areas reached the age of 18, their parents negotiate their marriage. I use the word “negotiate” because, in Vietnam, their tradition calls for a reverse dowry. To demonstrate the husband can provide for his new wife, he gifts gold to her parents (usually $2k-$4k USD of gold 2018). Vietnamese men are buying their wives like they buy a motorbike. If your motorbike does not work, you get angry and kick the motorbike. At AvoVietnam, we know that women are not property that you buy and sell. But how can we break this toxic cycle?
But why a dating app?
If you visit any home in western culture, you will observe a husband and wife sitting side by side, eating at the same time, and drinking the same drinks. When extended families or friends dine together, the adults of all genders eat together. After dinner, the “I clean, you cook” rule is applied. Men and women have an equal partnership and share equal responsibility when managing the home.
Historically in western culture, the woman’s family pays the husband (called a dowry). At the time, women were unable to support themselves and considered an economic burden. In today’s time, dowries are unheard of. Women are no longer considered a financial liability, but an asset.
Wives of westerners attend college and learn skills. These women have hobbies like yoga, gardening, and book clubs.
Avo Vietnam was founded to empower Vietnamese women with safe choices.
Define the choice in front of you
Translate a broad relationship goal into something you can discuss now. ‘I am looking for a serious relationship’ may mean being open to commitment, expecting exclusivity soon, or hoping to marry eventually. Those are different decisions. Explain what you mean without asking the other person to promise an outcome before you know each other. Try: ‘I want to get to know one another steadily and see whether our lives fit. What does serious dating look like for you?’ Listen for the actual answer, including uncertainty. A difference in goals is useful information; it is not a problem you must solve by being more persuasive, more generous, or more available.
Learn about values through examples as well as labels. Someone may describe themselves as family-oriented, independent, ambitious, or traditional while meaning something different from you. Ask what that looks like in an ordinary choice: how they spend a free day, manage competing commitments, or respond when plans change. Share your own example too, so the question is not a test with a hidden correct answer. You do not need to agree on every hobby. More useful questions are whether differences can be discussed, whether either person can say no, and whether both can make room for the other’s real life without disappearing from their own.
Break a large relationship step into separate choices. Continuing to message, having a call, meeting in public, sharing a number, becoming exclusive, and meeting relatives do not have to happen together. You can want one and feel unready for another. Say which step you are discussing: ‘I would enjoy meeting again, but I am not ready for a family introduction.’ Ask whether that pace works for the other person too. A workable agreement needs willing participation, not one person quietly accepting a deadline to avoid losing the connection. If the difference remains important, acknowledge it rather than treating affection as a reason to ignore it.
Discuss different expectations
A useful boundary describes your own choice and what you will do, rather than controlling the other person’s life. ‘I prefer to keep our conversation here until I am comfortable’ is clearer than asking them to prove they can be trusted. You can offer an alternative, but you do not owe one whenever you say no. Notice the response: a respectful person may ask a practical question or express disappointment, then accept the answer. Repeated bargaining, ridicule, guilt, and demands for proof make the situation different. You can end an exchange that keeps crossing a boundary without winning an argument about whether your preference is reasonable enough.
Prepare a few openings rather than a list of questions to complete. Ask about something already mentioned, listen to the answer, and contribute a related experience. ‘What did you enjoy about that?’ often goes further than moving immediately to the next topic. If a question seems too private, offer another direction without asking why they are uncomfortable. A pause can simply be a pause; you can take a sip, notice your surroundings, or share something yourself. Notice whether both people have room to speak over the whole exchange. A successful conversation does not require constant laughter, instant intimacy, or agreement on every preference.
Keep consent and privacy in view
Describe your normal availability before a missed message becomes a story about interest. You might say, ‘I rarely check messages while working, but I enjoy catching up in the evening.’ Ask what the other person’s routine allows too. Distinguish a practical confirmation that needs an answer from a casual message that can wait. If something is time-sensitive, state the decision and a reasonable deadline directly instead of sending repeated hints. Being considerate does not require sharing a work roster, live location, or every reason you were unavailable. Review the arrangement after you have experienced it; an agreement should make communication easier rather than create another task to monitor.
Ask what family involvement means to this particular person before drawing conclusions. An introduction may be an ordinary meal for one household and a significant relationship step for another. Discuss who will be there, how you will be introduced, how long the visit might last, and which subjects you would rather keep private. The person making the introduction can help explain unfamiliar references and bring their partner into the conversation. Neither person should be expected to answer questions about marriage, children, income, or relocation on the spot. Agree on a simple way to redirect a question and check in privately afterward, without treating relatives’ reactions as a final verdict on the relationship.
Notice what the pattern tells you
Share information in layers as trust develops. A general area, broad job description, or hobby can support a conversation without exposing a home address, exact shift, employer, or daily route. Before sending a screenshot, photograph, or translated passage, check whether it includes names, contact details, documents, or private information about someone else. You can explain a preference without providing evidence of your whole life. Keep passwords and verification codes to yourself even when a request sounds helpful. If a conversation moves to another channel, review what that account reveals first. Changing apps may expose a surname, phone number, contact list, or older posts you did not intend to share.
When something goes wrong, name the specific action and the practical effect. ‘I did not confirm the time, so you were left waiting’ is more useful than a vague apology or an argument about intentions. Offer a change you can keep, such as confirming the evening before or suggesting a smaller plan next time. If you are the person affected, ask for what would make a future plan workable and consider the response. One mistake and a repeated pattern are different. You do not need to ignore your inconvenience to appear easygoing, and the other person does not have to accept another invitation merely because you have apologized.